Thoughts

This isn't going to be another one of my update posts. That will come later :) This is a post about my thoughts it will be sporadic because I am the epitome of a girl. I think one thing and a second later another thought pops into my head.

 I have been doing a lot of thinking lately about some things. I used to be the kind of person who was always working on a goal. I also was always trying to work on things to better myself. Such as smiling more, staying optimistic, not gossiping, befriending everyone, making people laugh, not being shy, focusing on looking at the good in people instead of negative and loving everyone even the people I want to punch in the face if they ask me for another narcotic 1 hour before its due!! Haha. Gotta love them. I feel like I haven't been doing that lately. I feel as if my only goal has become getting my RN then BSN. I don't want that to just be my life. I am not going to be just a nurse. What happens when I have my BSN? I keep telling myself that once I get my BSN I can do all the fun things I've been wanting to do. Like a triathalon, learning to play the guitar, taking voice lessons again, golfing in tournaments again, joining a soccer or softball league. I miss sports. I miss being a part of something. I miss that satisfied feeling after nailing a drive. I feel like I have become locked in a little bubble. Probably because I love just veggin out with my amazing hubby and dog. But we always need to be bettering ourselves. No one is perfect and we all need work. Why have I stopped? Why have I stopped doing a lot of things I used to?

Another thing I am exhausted... ALL THE TIME. I am not entirely sure why. I am a nurse I know what could be going on. I've had my thyroid tested before which is the number one things doctors test when they hear complaints of exhaustion. But it could be other things too. Go figure. I've had blood work done all my levels are normal. I have a theory. I grind my teeth at night and ooooh do I feel it in the morning. My jaw gets so tight and painful. My theory is that while grinding my teeth subconsciously while sleeping I am interrupting my REM cycle. How do you fix this? There are jaw exercises I have done before bed to wear out my jaw. Doesn't work. I even wear a gnarly football grinder when I go to bed. Chris says I look gorgeous. He lies. Most people have just told me I am anxious and that is why this happens. That I need to relax. Part of my problem? When I think I'm relaxing, which Chris pointed out, my muscles are still clenched. What the heck? Relax!

 One in particular my husband pointed out to me. I am overly critical of myself. I used to think this was normal and to be honest still feel like I am not that hard on myself. But in reality I am. Aren't all girls hard on themselves? Why does my husband know me so well? I have set extremely high standards for myself. Hey I'm on my second year of nursing school though! Will be an RN by Summer 2013 at age 23! I couldn't have done that if I hadn't pushed myself.

Everyone is graduating with their Bachelors. I'm sick of it haha. I want to be done with school too.I wanna be done so I can never have to think about school again. But thats not true. I will be supporting my hubby through med school. Woo! I'm so proud of him though. I'm proud to be married to such an amazing man. I love that Gordon B. Hinkley quote on my blog. “What really matters is that he will love you, that he will respect you, that he will honor you, that he will be absolutely true to you, that he will give you the freedom of expression and let you fly in the development of your own talents. He is not going to be perfect, but if he is kind and thoughtful, if he knows how to work and earn a living, if he is honest and full of faith, the chances are you will not go wrong, and that you will be immensely happy.” I read that quote a million times when trying to figure out if Chris was the right one. He is all those things. He treats me like a Queen and is always putting me before himself. He loves me for everything that I am and want to be. He is putting me and our future family before himself just by going through all this schooling so that we will be taken care of. He is so hard working and man is he smart. I want some of that. That boy has a sponge brain he remembers everything he learns. Well I think that is all. I will post a mass of pics next time full of a mass of updates.