I cannot write in a journal. Last year I didn't even finish writing about our honeymoon because it turned out to be 6 pages. But how important is documenting your first year?? I want that to look back on. So many amazing, romantic, crazy, busy, frustrating, exciting, loving, new memories I never want to forget! I think it is important to journal. I think parents and adults forget sometimes what is was like being a kid. To look back and remember those moments would make me a better parent I think. I'm kinda already forgetting what child hood was like. You grow up and have a new outlook on life. You forget the little things that meant so much then and mean absolutely nothing now. Man I cannot let myself forget how much it hurt when the guy I crushed on at school liked another girl who in my opinion was prettier, funnier and sluttier. I cannot let myself forget how I felt trying to figure out how I could be more like her. I am sure my girls will feel the same way and I do not want that! FACT: the cute boys normally went after the sluttier girls in school. But guess what? They didn't end up marrying them! There are so many things I want to teach my children. But how can you do that when you forget the things that were so important to you back then?
I love my little sister. She rocks. Shes turning 15 in February... I cannot even believe it. I am only her sister and already feel the need to teach her everything I learned about life, friends and boys. I do not want her to ever make the same mistakes I did. I wish with all my heart she will never have to deal with heart ache or jerk guys or mean girls or peer pressure or hard decisions. I wish I could show her everything I went through and how different I would have felt or been back then if I had made different decisions. I would have done so many things different and avoided so much hurt. Don't get me wrong. "God bless the broken road that lead me straight to you." I probably wouldn't have been the girl Chris needs if I hadn't gone through so much. I probably wouldn't be as strong as I am today without all that hurt. I probably wouldn't be the mother I will one day be without the trials. I probably wouldn't appreciate how amazing my husband truly is without going through what I have. Doesn't mean I can't hope and pray my baby sister doesn't have to deal with it. I love that girl so much. I wish we lived closer. I look up to her so much. I admire all her strengths and characteristics. I see myself in her a lot when I'm with her. I also see a lot of difference. I feel like I'm not there for her as much as I should be and wish I could be. I know she is stronger than I am and I think it is so cool. She has such a sweet spirit about her. People are drawn to her and she is so loving to everyone. Gosh.. what am I going to be like when I'm a Mom? I want to shield Bay from the world. But that is how you learn. That is how you are made stronger. I hope I have set a good enough example for her. She is a good example to me and everyone around her.
I've been watching Friday Night Lights and Tammi Taylor lost it after she had her baby. It stresses me out. I hope I will be a good Mom. I hope I can keep it together. I'm so blessed to have and amazing Mother and Mother-in-law to help me when that time comes! I'm excited to be a Mom. Not for another couple years though. My grandparents and parents are right, they are waaaaay too young to be great-grandparents and grandparents! I get baby hungry ever so often. Chris and I got excited talking about when we'd start having kids. We said we'd maybe try Jan 2014. Then a week later I brought up how that would probably be too soon and he said the same thing. Who knows when I will get into an LPN-RN program. It may not even be until Jan 2014. I hate how slow I have been getting school done. I took so many breaks and have had to work full time almost the entire time. I feel so old sometimes and then Chris talks me through it and I realize how young we both still are. Its funny how we get so excited about stuff. Then we both think for a bit a usually our minds change. Its funny how similar we are about that stuff.
I love this time I have with Chris. Its fun just being together. Its amazing how much we have changed and grown together in this past year. Its funny looking back to our stupid arguments over nothing. I'm glad we no longer have to deal with those little things. He hated how I squeezed the toothpaste in the middle. We crack up about it still. I can't help it. I'm wired to squeeze it in the middle! Another FACT: I collect cups in my room. Its annoying to me and i'm sure so annoying to Chris but he always just jokes about it. Today I had 4 cups on my dresser. Ugh. Use one cup a week Jade! I can't even think of the a little thing Chris does that bothered me. I just remember all of them being so dumb and really weren't a big deal. I love how much we have changed. I feel like we get each other more. We know most of each other quirks, likes, dislikes, what bugs the other person. We've learned how to communicate with each other so much better. I love having my best friend by my side. Poor guy fell asleep early tonight. He worked a graveyard last night and went to bed at 830am and was up at 1130am to go to Lukes 2 year old birthday party. He always puts me first and sometimes I don't know why. I love him. Marriage is about putting the other person first before yourself and man he is so much better at it than me. I want to be better at that. He teases me sometimes about my only child complex. I was spoiled growing up and didn't have to take care of anyone but number one until I was 9. I'm glad he can put up with me. But I feel like i'm getting better. At least I'm frugal right? I don't care about clothes and stuff to make me happy. I mean sure every once in a while its fun to get a new shirt but clothes don't make people happy in the end.
What else has been on my mind? School started back up. I hate school. I just wish I was done. Chris and I have been doing the paleo diet. Hes lost 8 lbs and I have lost 4 lbs since January 12th. Not bad! We have both been exercising more. Eating healthy has made a huge difference. We make green smoothies 3-4x a week too. I feel more energized than I have been in a while.
I started physical therapy for something called thoracic outlet. I have it on both sides of my upper body. You have something called a brachial plexus that originates from your neck and contains all your blood vessels and nerves running down your arm. T.O. pinches the brachial plexus which messes up your nerve impulses down your arm and cuts off blood flow which isn't very good. Long term it could do serious damage. It started when I was 16. I just barely saw someone for it. I thought it was tendonitis from weight lifting and golf. It probably started out that way. Basically my shoulder to my hands hurt constantly. Its continued getting worse and I had had it in November. Daily activities would inflame my arms and I felt exhausted all the time. My sleep has been messed up this past year because of how much pain I've been in. The way I was sleeping seriously hurt me so bad in the morning. Well I went and saw my new PCP whom I love! She referred me to a neurologist because I told her my hands go numb and tingle. I thought that was normal and due to my tendonitis but guess what its not! I should have known that since I am nurse and we freak out when people tell us their extremities have any numbness or tingling. My neurologist diagnosed me with T.O. and referred me out to physical therapy. A few years ago they used to surgically remove a persons first rib to cure T.O. So glad they do not do that anymore!! Its been a week and a half now and I have noticed some changes! Still have numbness and tingling and pain but its slowly getting better. I'm not allowed to sleep on my stomach or side which really sucks. I hate sleeping on my back but it pinches up my nerves and blood vessels when I do that. You may have noticed I hunch my shoulder constantly and have the worst posture. We are working on that. T.O. tightens your chest muscles and pulls your shoulders forward. I have already noticed a difference in my posture because of the stretches I've been doing. I will be so happy if this is fixed this year!! I'm not allowed to weight lift at all. I've been doing more cardio and guess what my body likes it! My body looks so different. I think I just gain muscle really easy. I luckily have not lost my muscle but its just becoming tighter and leaner. Not a look I am used to on myself. My man shoulders are even getting smaller.
I have a patient. He is amazing. I judged him negatively at first and later regretted it. I had never had him before this week. He smokes every few hours. That is the only thing I really knew about him. That and the fact that his leg was amputated below the knee recently. Smokers...I have dealt with so many. As a nurse and as a CNA. Their pain is usually out of control and they are usually ornery at life and hate the world. Not this man. I will never judge anyone like that again. I look up to him. He is slightly over weight but seems otherwise healthy and fit. He was visiting Utah from Cali when his leg started to hurt. He went to the ER to find out he has diabetes and his blood sugars were at 400. Norm is 70-100. A complication to diabetes is gangrene if your diabetes is out of control. He had no idea he even had diabetes. Then they told him they needed to amputate his leg below the knee so it would not cause other complications. He woke up that morning fine and later that day was told he needed an amputation. He was not obese and didn't have any other signs or symptoms of diabetes. He was so positive about the entire experience that after I left the room I went into the bathroom and cried. He felt bad having to bother me with little things. He felt bad asking for pain medication because of the phantom pain he was having in his now amputated knee. He thanked me every time I did anything for him. I don't know how i'd handle a situation he is in. He is out of state and has one friend here. His family in Cali whom cannot visit because of the cost of travel. He said it didn't matter and he'd see them soon. He said he was thankful for his life. I told him that would be hard to deal with alone and that I was here for him if he needed to talk. I told him it must be hard being away from family and friends and warm weather. He laughed and said haven't you noticed how much I love Utahs cold weather? I'm out there every few hours getting "fresh air." We cracked up and then he told me that smoking is bad and to never start haha. Sometimes I forget how great life is. Positivity is key. He doesn't care that he lost his leg. He is just working hard in physical therapy to learn how to function on his own again. Thank you ________ for reminding me to look at the positives.
I just love my dogs so much. They make us so happy. Koda is such a goofball and Kiara is just the sweetest thing alive. I'm so glad we have them. I'm so glad my husband loves dogs as much as I do. I'm so glad they are apart of our little family. I just love them. Everything about them. I am so happy dogs are on this earth!
Sometimes I feel like there is not enough time in the day to go to the gym, cook, clean, get ready, work. I just want to do it all. I feel exhausted a lot. Most of the time I just don't wanna do anything. I love tv. More than I used to. Its so great sitting and doing nothing. I do not like the snow. Hate it in fact. Its probably the main reason I want to do nothing all the time. I brought this up to Chris and told him we should move to AZ or something. Then he told me... "Jade we have 2 snow dogs. Would that work?" No... these creatures love the snow. Maybe next year I will pick up snowboarding again. Then maybe I will love the snow again. Chris would probably pick up snowboarding again for me. Luckily I still have one friend who boards. Positive. Make my negative a positive. Snow is great because you can snowboard!
Well I think that is all I need and want to say. It is bed time. 9am church... cannot believe this is our new time for the next year. Oh ya I get to teach the sunbeams now. 4 boys. 1 listens. The rest cannot talk. :( Please let one thing I say tomorrow stick.
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